I was so happy to read this piece by Nicole Moliere that I had to revisit it. She sums up the relentless pressure on black women to marry and be partnered really well at the top. She also says something I often think and express to my friends, which is that I often feel weird trying to explain to men that despite what they think they know and have heard about all black women feeling the desire to settle down with a man, this one right here is not about to latch on and cling tight to the marriage ideal:

In other words, I don’t want to marry every man that I date. I can enjoy a gentleman’s company without feeling the pressure to explain why he and I are not monogamous or why I’m not devising Operation Bridezilla in order to get hitched to him.

It is extremely difficult for most folks to accept that things outside of us cannot fill the need for soul connection. No one teaches us how to fill our own ache, so we spend a lifetime attempting to fill it with people, places and things that don’t serve us. Marriage can often be one of those things.

There are countless blog pieces, magazine articles and books out there attempting to hip you to the way to “win” at the dating and relationship “game.” Here’s the problem: People who play games, and who see connection and relationships as games, never really grow up. They rarely access anything deep.

You’re not a pawn; you’re a person. It’s not a game; it’s your life.

The rest of it is fantastic too. A gem. Go read it when you have time. There’s a good part about Steve Harvey in there, which cracks me up. I do wonder how, exactly, he became the go-to guy for black romantic advice. If anyone knows…drop me a line?