I’m doing some spring cleaning and finding old letters to myself that I think will maybe resonate for some of you. This was written back when I had two cats & was living in the Bay Area. I was in my twenties, about to embark on some life transitions not unlike the ones I’m facing at the moment. More on that later.
You should have learned to ride a bike down the steep hill on your block.
You should have had three or two meals a day.
You were so good, so studious and even faithful when things were difficult. & you made it, girl – through beatings, through slow soul murder, through strange worlds, bad times, embarrassing incidents, so much shame & so much pain.
You made it to the other side. You are free. If you’ll let yourself be.
Blow bubbles in the wind. Have ice cream for breakfast, waffles for dinner, soda and cheese for lunch if you want.
You can run up your credit, you can stay up ’til dawn when you want and sleep your weekend away. Turn off the ringer, hole up in your house with books, the sun, the cats, a soft wind, and so much peace that your heart might burst.
You can dance naked to 80s music if you want. You can dress up in 2 dresses and the Superman hat, jump up and down on your bed, sing as loud as you want in the shower, have a glass of wine, tear up all the awful pictures of you from ten years ago (or not). You can mourn safely the loss of men you once loved, the men you have to now keep at arm’s distance and the old you over the brand new you.
The new you — the growing girl with a stocked refrigerator, a clean car that shines in the 70-degree touch of sun, bookshelves with books you own and did not borrow and days full of more possibilities than you ever imagined when you were six. Life is beginning. And now, the fun starts.