This is what one woman wrote about being a single – she wrote it anonymously. I was just nodding my head as my made my way down the list:
- Not knowing who to write on emergency contact forms.
- Being a third or a fifth wheel.
- Knowing that every time you are asked to a dinner hosted by a couple, there’s a better than 70% chance there will be a set-up involved.
- Being disappointed that there’s no set-up involved at those dinners, against your better judgment.
- Not ever being sure when going to a dinner with a colleague whether it’s a business dinner or whether they have another agenda, whether they are single or married.
- Having insecure women hover when you are talking with their boyfriend or spouse, suspecting the worst.
- Knowing that if you are friends with a woman who is much younger or older than you are but who is clearly unrelated to you biologically, some people will assume you are a couple, not like Thelma and Louise but like Ellen & Portia.
- Feeling awkward about owning more than two cats.
- Feeling awkward about going to a bar or going to a restaurant and sitting at the bar for a drink or dinner by yourself. Especially when traveling for business, when it should be the least awkward.
- Going to girls’ nights out and finding that your stories of dating humiliation are the only ones anyone wants to hear (unless there are any other singles with you).
- Having to listen to your girlfriends bitch about their husbands. A little bit is fine; but a lot is a problem.
- Feeling trapped in the revolving door of new-divorcee friendships. Women who are newly divorced cling to you for life and hope. I am particularly annoyed by the wealthy women who have never had a job and who complain about financial settlements and divorce attorneys. I can’t remember the last time a married woman sought me out for an IRL friendship, but divorced women are like flies and I am the honey. Sadly, many of them expect that I am interested in going to match events and singles bars, and lead a drunk-on-life of debauchery and high heeled late night impulse trips to Paris. They are very wrong.
- Being tough or demanding at work and having people say behind your back, “No wonder she’s not married.” They would never say that about a man.
- Having people say “But you’re so attractive! I can’t believe you’re single” as if there’s got to be something else wrong with you (like a bad credit score, or a horrible disfiguring scar they can’t see through your clothes, or a passion for arson, or too many cats)
- Not having anyone to turn the TV off at night and carry you to bed when you fall asleep on the couch watching a LoveBoat marathon, or to take turns with being the designated driver.
I thought this covered most of the low points. Would you add anything to the list?
1. Having friends (men) automatically assume that you would be happily available to hook them up with your other single (women) friend or be their wingman (when they are trying to pick up other women).
2. Having other single women automatically assume that you’ll be the perfect person to confess to about their (clandestine or not) affairs with married men.
3. Men hitting on you constantly (I actually HATE this part), even those who supposedly do not desire anything more than friendship.
4. In our culture, people automatically assuming that you will shun all male company and have no needs unless it is gained in marriage again. (ridiculous, I know).
5. The same people judging you vocally when they discover that you will not abide by their above ridiculous rule (btw, these would be the same men who tried to take their chance with you).
These are some of the things off the top of my head. I read your list, nodded my head and then thought to add some more
Those are good, Arman! I can relate to number 4. Folks definitely think we shun male company which is so not the case.
Well, I have a longer list of things I LOVE about being single, but you didn’t ask, so I’ll just add a few to the above list:
1. Having married men hit on you whenever their wife isn’t around or steps out of the room.
2. Getting more offers of sex from married men than single ones, presumably because the married men know that YOU know they’re not a candidate for marriage.
3. Constantly losing couples as friends when the wife realizes her husband has “interest” in you, so she thinks that removing the immediate source of temptation will “solve” the marriage problem.
4. The older you get the more likely you’ll only date divorced men, who assume your response to everything is going to be a putdown, because that’s what their ex-wife would have done,so they jump ahead of you, and put you down first, or tell you “I know what you’re thinking”, even though they’re WAY off. Or they just take a nice moment and turn it into a bad one because they can now only see negativity.
5. Not being able to talk to men (and sometimes women) without them assuming (either hopefully OR fearfully) that you’re talking to them in hopes they are dating or marriage material.
That’s a good list. Number 5 really resonates with me. I try to be an optimist and not think that my married friends are hanging out without me, but I know that’s probably not true. And it never feels good to be the third wheel. So, there’s that. But it’s true that I’ve encountered more married men who assume that single = available for whatever & the divorced crowd.
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