Singles in the News: What if you die alone? What is singlism? Single black men want commitment more than black women?

I was surprised by this one: So Single Black Men Want Commitment. Really?

We recently found that single black men were much more likely to say they were looking for a long-term relationship (43 percent) compared to single black women (25 percent).

Those numbers come from our ‘ views of their lives and communities (the poll was conducted by NPR, the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation and the Harvard School of Public Health). Our findings about the dating lives of single folks — that is, respondents 18-49, widowed, divorced, or never married — have sparked the most conversation so far.

And the gender skew has elicited straight-out side-eyes.

Right. Fans of this blog know that I have written a lot about the odd politics of interracial dating for black women and the overabundance of stories about how women’s achievement (black women’s achievement, in particular) is keeping the number of women who are single high. “Maybe the truth really is that lots of black men really do want to get boo’ed up while lots of black women are ambivalent,” my friend Gene wrote.

Well, maybe. I’m dating again. We’ll see how it goes. I have a good feeling about it! So, something more positive than ambivalent, for me, at least.

That reminds me of this article I read and am still processing, “Life Without Sex“:

Are you single, married, engaged, “it’s complicated”? Are you straight, gay, a lesbian? All of these categories suggest sexual activity, which somehow reassures us. You are doing something.

But I don’t think that’s our true life and rhythm. We are not machines. Nothing is so tidy about our sex lives. We are very alone in how we dream. We are not making love as easily as we boast we are. And when we are making love, it is not always enjoyable.

Here are some other articles I liked about the single life (and a couple about introverts because…those are my people):

Who benefits from modern-day monogamy?

Ridding the stigma of being single

Living Single, Dying Alone: Our (Un)Social Network at theHotness

10 Myths About Introverts 

How to Live with Introverts (A Helpful Chart)

4 thoughts on “Singles in the News: What if you die alone? What is singlism? Single black men want commitment more than black women?

  1. Look at the data here (p14-16): http://www.rwjf.org/content/dam/farm/reports/surveys_and_polls/2013/rwjf406076

    First, self-reported data like this tends to skew in the direction the respondent thinks the pollster wants. One way to do this is to ask a leading question. This one was “Are you currently seeking a long-term committed romantic relationship, or not?” It frames to the respondent that normal people seek LTRs, so some will answer “Yes” more.

    Also, I am curious about the male/female breakdown to the question on there, “In the last two years, have you gone on a date with someone who was not black or AfricanAmerican, only gone on dates with people who were black or African-American, or have you not gone on any dates in the last two years?”

    • What’s interesting to me, too, is the fact that fewer people say they’re looking for a relationship than the people who say they are confident they’re about to find the loves of their lives. Oy.

  2. My 3rd attempt at commenting… if this does not work, I give up.. somehow wordpress and I are just not getting along this week.

    I loved this post. Simply because it made me pause and think. As an introvert I have found it difficult to get back on the dating scene. However, since I quite successfully pull off acting like an extrovert, people just assume all kinds of things instead. And I assume that I will repeat my mistakes of the past if I am not careful. But then again, who knows what the future holds? right? Now the link about the lady who was dead in her apartment for 3 years was really scary, made me question my social connections, my tendencies to shut-in myself. This post really made me pause and think and re-evaluate the way I do certain things. Thank you for a great post Joshunda :)

    • Arman,I had some trouble trying to respond to one of your posts recently, too. So it’s not just you!!

      My thing about introversion is that I am an introvert who performs extroversion very well. You can borrow that :-) I think we learn that extroverted behavior is valued in business, so we can do it for networking/biz purposes. But I get replenished in solitude and with my books and my aging but still sweet doggie. Thanks for understanding.

      Who knows what the future holds, indeed. Don’t worry too much. There’s so much we can’t control. It’s good to stay safe, though. I try to remember that as a single woman I need to create a surrogate structure for myself in terms of safety so that I don’t feel the vulnerability that makes me feel like I “need” a relationship as opposed to really wanting one.
      Thanks for your presence, as usual!

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