Rihanna on being single: “There’s a major drought out there.”

Elle Magazine Photo

I am fascinated by Rihanna, probably because it’s been amazing to see her career move from Pon de Replay (Ugh) to Cake, which I would love to stop singing.

You’ve probably seen a few opinions about Rihanna on the interwebs in recent days. Here’s my two cents: She is grown. And she can do what she wants. Know how I know? She mentioned it in this Elle Magazine piece.

On the backlash over their reconciliation:
“The bottom line is that everyone thinks differently. It’s very hard for me to accept, but I get it. People end up wasting their time on the blogs or whatever, ranting away, and that’s all right. Because tomorrow I’m still going to be the same person. I’m still going to do what I want to do.”

On having kids: “It could be tomorrow. It could be 20 years from now. I just feel like when the time is right, God will send me a little angel. But first, of course, I have to find a man. I mean, there’s a very important missing piece to the puzzle here!”

On finding that man:
“I feel like it’s hard for everybody! I don’t think it has anything to do with being famous. There’s just a major drought out there. […] But I just need to find the person who balances me out, because then things like my schedule won’t matter. I’ve done it before, so I know I can do it again.”

This whole drought thing, and the idea that there’s a shortage,  is a really annoying part of being single. The concept has plagued me since I was a teenager, when I was told there were a shortage of black men who’d want to date me because I dreamed of being a college professor.

It happened again when I found myself at a liberal arts college where the male to female ratio was 40/60 – and the ratio of men of color to women of color was far more severe.

The idea that there is a man shortage is a pervasive and problematic one. It rarely leads to women’s happiness, I’ve noticed. Anyone who tells you there’s a man shortage or a woman shortage or any kind of shortage of anything typically is missing a lot of potential options either close to home or further away.

I say this from experience. Back when I believed the hype about a shortage of black men or available men to date, I made really lousy choices that reinforced that I believed I would be happier as part of a toxic couple than as a content single woman. I continue to work to expand my sense of what’s possible in my life and in my work, and as I’ve done that, it’s helped me to diminish the idea that I need to latch on to anything — relationships, ideas, possessions — in order to keep from going without.

I work really hard not to judge people – you never know what happens when the cameras are off. Rihanna and Chris Brown are no exception to the rule. But I do wonder if Rihanna didn’t think there was such a shortage of men out there if she wouldn’t make a different, healthier choice.

7 thoughts on “Rihanna on being single: “There’s a major drought out there.”

  1. Love this. Rhianna uses her pedestal to say what she thinks and feels– in all her vulnerability and imperfection. That’s progress, in my book.

    There are 7 billion people in the world, half of them men. I’d like to think there’s more than one of them that we are compatible with. Even if it really is only one person we’re “meant” to be with, we’re more connected that ever via the internet, airplanes, etc. I think an important question for ourselves is…are we ready for that love? Or, do we already have that which we are seeking?

    • Thank you. As usual, I love your response. Especially “Are we ready for that love?” I ask myself this all the time. The answer changes. I’d like to think yes, of course.

  2. From one happy single gal to another, I think your blog is fantastic! I found you through LinkedIn and am now a new follower. I am new to this blogging thing and would love any feedback I cam get.
    I’m cheering for you!
    Wishing you abundant blessings and happiness,
    Kimmy

    http://www.withoutalabel.me

    (I put my website here because it is not linked to my WordPress account. The one that is linked is one that I am a guest author for ;))

    • Hey, Kimberly! Thanks for sharing your post with me and thanks for your note. I like the title of your site. Looking forward to reading more.

  3. I love your blog. As black women I feel that we all make bad decisions in our lifetime based on other peoples ideals of this black love is beautiful mumbo-jumbo. In my opinion all love is beautiful and instead of looking for that niche we as women need to broaden our horizons and look for our moment regardless of what our parents/grandparents are telling us.

    On the other hand, I do agree with Rihanna’s statement “there is a drought”, but I feel there is a drought of good available men of any race. Most women want a successful man, but most success comes with a price. As we see in these reality shows with these professional men who can’t be faithful to one women or who are dabbling with narcotics and in other illicit behavior.

    I say that to say this…even though we may not come from the same place, if we are connected than all the things like why I wrap my hair at night and why I will melt in the rain are things I can teach him. In my book those minor things are not a big enough reason why he would not be on my list of possibilities. It is hard enough to find an eligibly man period. When you throw race into the mix your are setting yourself up for disappointment. We need to ask ourselves why is race such is a big factor on our lists. Because the more of us women of color who don’t factor that into our dating decisions, the more of us would find happiness.

    • Tiffanie, Thanks for your comment & for the love. I would only add to your comment that we should both look and be ready to receive our moments when they arrive.

  4. Pingback: Top Posts in May: The Best Advice I Ever Got, Rihanna on Being Single and the costs of dating | Single & Happy

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