I am fascinated by Rihanna, probably because it’s been amazing to see her career move from Pon de Replay (Ugh) to Cake, which I would love to stop singing.
You’ve probably seen a few opinions about Rihanna on the interwebs in recent days. Here’s my two cents: She is grown. And she can do what she wants. Know how I know? She mentioned it in this Elle Magazine piece.
On the backlash over their reconciliation:
“The bottom line is that everyone thinks differently. It’s very hard for me to accept, but I get it. People end up wasting their time on the blogs or whatever, ranting away, and that’s all right. Because tomorrow I’m still going to be the same person. I’m still going to do what I want to do.”
On having kids: “It could be tomorrow. It could be 20 years from now. I just feel like when the time is right, God will send me a little angel. But first, of course, I have to find a man. I mean, there’s a very important missing piece to the puzzle here!”
On finding that man:
“I feel like it’s hard for everybody! I don’t think it has anything to do with being famous. There’s just a major drought out there. […] But I just need to find the person who balances me out, because then things like my schedule won’t matter. I’ve done it before, so I know I can do it again.”
This whole drought thing, and the idea that there’s a shortage, is a really annoying part of being single. The concept has plagued me since I was a teenager, when I was told there were a shortage of black men who’d want to date me because I dreamed of being a college professor.
It happened again when I found myself at a liberal arts college where the male to female ratio was 40/60 – and the ratio of men of color to women of color was far more severe.
The idea that there is a man shortage is a pervasive and problematic one. It rarely leads to women’s happiness, I’ve noticed. Anyone who tells you there’s a man shortage or a woman shortage or any kind of shortage of anything typically is missing a lot of potential options either close to home or further away.
I say this from experience. Back when I believed the hype about a shortage of black men or available men to date, I made really lousy choices that reinforced that I believed I would be happier as part of a toxic couple than as a content single woman. I continue to work to expand my sense of what’s possible in my life and in my work, and as I’ve done that, it’s helped me to diminish the idea that I need to latch on to anything — relationships, ideas, possessions — in order to keep from going without.
I work really hard not to judge people – you never know what happens when the cameras are off. Rihanna and Chris Brown are no exception to the rule. But I do wonder if Rihanna didn’t think there was such a shortage of men out there if she wouldn’t make a different, healthier choice.