Single Lady Music: Beyoncé

File this under #GuiltyPleasures.

I became totally enamored of Destiny’s Child back when Wyclef was closer to relevance and I halfway believed a singing career a la Mariah Carey or Lauryn Hill was in my future. I could sing a little bit, despite awful stage fright, so the yearning, sticky-sweet ballads of my generation were right up my alley. I was as likely to jam to Billie Holiday and Aretha Franklin as I was to try to reach all of the high notes of Whitney Houston or Rachelle Ferrell.

As much as I love soul, R&B and gospel, there’s something about pop music from the 1990s, particularly, that inspires a deep nostalgia that I’m not yet comfortable with entirely. I don’t want to say that Beyoncé is the Diana Ross of my generation, but the glamour, the talent and the iconography are all there. It’s likely that “Single Ladies” tipped her into the pop artist stratosphere, but maybe she was going to be that famous anyway because she’s just that talented.


Why is she always so naked? Why is she telling girls that we run the world when, clearly, there’s still so much misogyny in the world? What kind of message does our love for Beyoncé send to little girls who can’t live up to the standard of beauty that Beyoncé seems to set?

I don’t have answers for any of those questions. And I have written defenses of Beyoncé in the past, so I won’t go back into it. But the reason she’s become so popular is that there aren’t many singular black female figures in popular culture (not just those who are unmarried, since Mr. Carter put a ring on it a while ago) who seem to “have it all” – beauty, brains, a loving partnership and a sense of self outside of that partnership. For me, Beyoncé’s confidence and self-possession counterbalances the hypersexual sultry stuff.

There isn’t anywhere in our culture where women don’t get mixed messages about women, independence and relationships. I don’t think it’s fair that Beyoncé is the symbol of our angst about not committed to chastity or promiscuity. I love that she uses what she has to get what she wants; that’s what I aspire to do.

Here are some of my favorites.

Upgrade U: I know the feminists among us will pretend that we didn’t like this song, but I’ll just come out and admit that I loved it. I love it still.

Diva: I was inspired to write an essay about my short, failed attempt at being a rapper for an anthology when I heard this one.

Independent Women Part 1: Wow, it makes me feel old that this was 12 years ago. But whatever. I like the remix better, though.

Irreplaceable: Every woman who has had to, um, put someone out loves this song. It’s just a given.

Best Thing I Never Had: Honestly, I hated this song when I first heard it. But it resonated with me for a dozen reasons when I started listening to Beyonce 4 again recently.

What’s your favorite Single Lady music? I’m a Keri Hilson fan, too. We’ll get to her in a minute.

Why black women can’t afford to be shamed for being single

Earlier this year, I was reading Health First! The Black Woman’s Wellness Guide and these figures gave me pause.

2010 Census Figures for Marital Status among Black Women in America

7,492, 890 Never Married
4,170,470 Married
792,263 Separated
1,422,370 Widowed
2,173,815 Divorced

53 percent of American women are married and living with their spouses, compared to 44 percent of Black women, who are more likely to be single heads of household. Single mothers of color are more likely to be poor than any other women.

…the average Black single mother has no assets; she has a median net worth of zero dollars, compared to $6,000 for a White single mom.

So, basically, it’s already expensive enough being a black woman & we don’t amass any more wealth when you add shaming to the mix:

“Lifting as we Climb: Women of Color, Wealth, and America’s Future,” also found that nearly half of all single black women have zero or negative wealth, meaning their debts exceed all their assets; one-fourth of single black women have no checking or savings account; and only 33 percent of African American single women are homeowners. Mariko Chang, independent consultant and author of “Shortchanged: Why Women Have Less Wealth and What Can Be Done About It,” notes that the legacy of the racial wealth gap is largely to blame for the discrepancy.

“So much of the racial wealth gap that occurred in our history is still really alive,” Chang said. “Because of both discrimination and a gender pay gap, black women, in particular, lack a lot of the traditional wealth safety nets that other groups have access to. Because of their lower earnings, and also because of the types of jobs they have – service jobs, for instance – they’re less likely to have fringe benefits, retirement accounts, paid vacation days. If they face unemployment, illness or any kind of negative economic shock, they just don’t have that cushion.”

I would like it very much if we lived in a post-racial, post-racist society, but unfortunately, the racial and class disparities that affect me as a black woman interfere with my ability to “just get married” to solve my financial problems — even if I were the kind of woman to marry for money, which I’m not.

Single Lady Quotes: Pema Chodron

A mentor and dear friend introduced me to Pema Chodron’s writings when I first started meditating in 2005.

I love her writing because it is nondenominational and it encourages us to start where we are and get comfortable with uncertainty – some of the main challenges I’ve had in my life. Meditation and prayer, more than anything else, help me to cultivate courage. I care so much about being fearless because I believe that love and faith reward the bravest among us.

Whenever I’ve been emotionally or mentally overwhelmed, just reading a little Pema Chodron has done wonders for my spirit. Here are a few quotes I hope will be helpful for you, too.

“We act out because, ironically, we think it will bring us some relief. We equate it with happiness. Often there is some relief, for the moment. When you have an addiction and you fulfill that addiction, there is a moment in which you feel some relief. Then the nightmare gets worse. So it is with aggression. When you get to tell someone off, you might feel pretty good for a while, but somehow the sense of righteous indignation and hatred grows, and it hurts you. It’s as if you pick up hot coals with your bare hands and throw them at your enemy. If the coals happen to hit him he will be hurt. But in the meantime, you are guaranteed to be burned.”
 From Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living

The following quotes are from Pema Chodron’s latest book, Living Beautifully, which was scheduled to be published this week:

Committing to benefit others is traditionally called the path of the bodhisattva, the path of hero and heroine, the path of the spiritual warrior whose weapons are gentleness, clarity of mind, and an open heart. The Tibetan word for warrior, paw for a male warrior or pawmo for a female warrior, means “the one who cultivates bravery.” As warriors in training, we cultivate the courage and flexibility to live with uncertainty — with the shaky, tender feeling of anxiety, of nothing to hold on to — and to dedicate our lives to making ourselves available to every person, in every situation.

It is only to the degree that we become willing to face our own feelings that we can really help others. So we make a commitment that for the rest of our lives, we’ll train in freeing ourselves from the tyranny of our own reactivity, our own survival mechanisms, our own propensities to be hooked.

Our wish for all beings, including ourselves, is to live fearlessly with uncertainty and  change. The warrior commitment involves understanding that there is nothing static about human beings.

I also recommend When Things Fall Apart and The Wisdom of No Escape, which I loved. I wrote a bit more about my meditation practice here.

Six things I love about Facebook, The Single Lady Edition

If you are a working writer in the 21st Century, you can try all you want, but you cannot escape the Facebook. (And, yes, this is my balance post after Six Reasons Facebook Sucks. Speaking of which, The Party of Ones now has its own Facebook page. Come hang out with me there if you’re around.)

On a day when I was working on two book projects and building a blog for a client, I got news that a website wanted an essay about how I coped with losing my parents within two years of each other.

Did I have original art, the editor wondered?

Well…I’ve written about my family dynamic in the past. There aren’t a ton of pictures of me with my family, or even my parents by themselves. When I moved around a lot with my mother as a kid, we lost a lot of things, including a picture of my brother Jose, who I am named for, during evictions.

I did have one photo of my Mom, though. During the span of a few weeks when I lived with my Dad while I was in college, I spent a lot of time by myself because he would just stop talking to me randomly. Out of spite and because I wanted it, I found this photo and stole it from him.

It ended up being photo of her that graced the cover of her memorial service this past January.

My Mom, some time in the 1970s. Working it.

I scanned it as it is, then noticed it was dusty. I tried to wipe it delicately with water and totally destroyed it.

I mention this is because the story of that photo is connected to a time in my life before I met the bulk of my Facebook friends or people in my life at the moment. I’m incredibly blessed to know folks from all over the world I met at boarding school, in the Bronx, at middle school, in college and all my jobs from New York to the West Coast to Texas, starting way back when I was 14.

That’s two plus decades of memories, experiences and friendship.

The thing about knowing people for that amount of time is that they get to see you grow and change. And you get to see them grow and change. It’s not true for all of your relationships, probably, but it is for the ones that matter.

Anyway, on the day I ruined the photo of my mom, I shared another family photo that I hadn’t ruined on Facebook. It allowed me to connect with my sister and my beloved friends in a way that was impossible before social media. Just sharing that little glimpse of the past and connecting with my closest friends and loved ones was enough salve for my wounds to keep me writing when I would have preferred to sulk and go back to bed.

Sometimes that’s all it takes.

So, here are my six reasons for loving Facebook. Pardon me if I get sappy.

Engagement with people, causes and ideas I care about: Mashable reported this summer that Facebook keeps inching closer to a billion active users. They had 955 million active users as of July, and more than half of those users log in everyday. When you’re interested in being connected to social causes, virtual communities, other bloggers, business and commerce, it is the go-to place.

Marketing and promotion of writing: Part of writer/journalist/content creator 101 should be, if it isn’t already, that if you write, your words get shared more and viewed by more potential readers, publishers, agents or anyone on Facebook than any other site. Some of this has to do with the sheer number of people that are on Facebook. I don’t know if anyone has any scientific proof that writers + Facebook equals fame and fortune, but what the savvy and smart writers on Facebook and social media know is that you can’t just get a robot to update your status. Community and reader engagement is the sign of our times. If you’re not doing it, you will likely not sell a lot of books, either. For some people, the privacy concerns, the time suck of social media and other things keep them away, which I totally understand.

Social connection when you work remotely or from home:
It’s nice to be able to see a lot of the people I love online on a daily basis. Writing and blogging can be lonely, harrowing work. Read this. That’s kind of what it’s like.

Tremendous resource for job leads and work connections: I find editors and writing buddies and story ideas and all kinds of good stuff on Facebook. The blend of work and personal is sometimes a grind, but it’s often worth it. It just requires me to be a grown up and learn when to log out.

Spiritual, religious and general inspiration and encouragement: I’m still a huge self-help fanatic. I’ve hidden a lot of random people who I don’t know personally from my news feed. I focus on updates from Tricycle, The Solo Traveler, Happy Black Woman, Marianne Williamson and Paulo Coelho. I like pictures with quotes. I sort of knew this before Facebook, but now it is abundantly clear.

International reach:
Some of my favorite people post pictures when they are traveling around the world or around the country. I stalk my friends pages when they visit libraries in other cities (Seattle Public Library, we haven’t met yet and this is CRAZY but, I think I love you) or travel to Istanbul or the Sudan or Brazil. I haven’t gone to any of these places yet, but it helps reinforce why I want to go and it’s great to hear what they’ve found along the way.
Why do you like it/love it? How do you manage your addiction? (What’s that? You say you’re not addicted? Help me, I need recovery. Maybe after the book is published. Did I mention the Single & Happy Facebook Page? )

Top Posts in September: Facebook and online dating rant + Ryan Gosling love

So, while Ryan Gosling was being spotted in Austin, I was in Marfa, Texas for the first time, jamming with buddies in the desert, getting rained on and trying not to make a complete fool out of myself over Meshell Ndegeochello, who I have loved since the 1990s. She was a sweetheart, absolutely gracious while I stammered and shook her hand.  Her voice is even more amazing in concert. I highly recommend her music – it is instantly soothing, if sometimes heartbreaking. Do it. She rocks.

In September, I was relieved to find out that you guys also have a little bit of animosity/angst about using Facebook. What a relief. What’s that saying – that you know you’ve got a friend the moment you talk about something and the other person says, “You too? I thought I was the only one!” That was how I felt after that post.

In September, I got to meet one of my favorite bloggers who lives on the other side of world, and even though I tried not to gawk, he’s hotter than Gosling (I didn’t even think that was possible. Life is incredible and I am a very, very lucky old soul.) Plus, I got to meet my favorite living musician in a magical place. So, two out of three can’t be bad, huh? Anyway, here’s what The Gos and The Notebook taught me about love and relationships. Ironically, I’m reading a Danielle Steel book at the moment. (Don’t judge.)

Apparently, there are a lot of women in the world who have had less than desirable online dating experiences. So my situation with Chris the salivator wasn’t that odd after all. I don’t know how to feel about that, except that I’m still relieved that I’m not dating at the moment.

Hey, y’all! Not sure this car works, but it’s still cute.

My attempt to have an outdoor adventure & good things on the horizon

I cannot tell you how amazing my friends are.

I mentioned that I wanted to go camping and 98 percent of the things that I currently have in my possession are borrowed. Including some crazy insect repellant my friend took to Africa called Repel that melts polyester if you use it wrong!

Naturally, the Texas girl says, “You do have a knife, don’t you?” Well, now I do!

Anyway, I will be off connecting with the stars for a few days to celebrate finishing a draft of the book.


I’ll be back next week. Among other things, I:

  1. Wrote a love letter to Facebook.
  2. A lot of my friends are divorced or are getting divorced, so I’m curious about how the experience of divorced singles is different from those of us who have never been married.
  3. And I’ve been avoiding it because it’s awkward, but I will expect y’all to hold me accountable – we do have to talk about how weird some married people are about single people. And how some married people assume that if you’re single, it means that you’re available to be their side piece/mistress/whatever.

As usual, I welcome your thoughts and experience on these topics in the comments.

In the meantime, here are a couple of things I thought y’all might appreciate:

  • Lisa Jey Davis suggests that singles should be the Prom Kings and Queens of their singledom in her Huffington Post piece, Singles: Most People Wish They Were You. 
  • Apparently single women like seeing themselves on TV: “Society has always been obsessed with the single woman,” said Kate Bolick of the Atlantic, who wrote a recent cover story about her single life at 39 and how it reflects social trends — which was developed into a comedy pilot recently purchased by CBS. “One of the things that is so fascinating to me about the idea of the single woman is simply the fact that people find her so endlessly fascinating.” -From the LA Times’ Fall TV Preview
  • For those of you with the Facebook, I finally made us a page. I was surprised that the URL Single & Happy was taken on Facebook, but that’s encouraging. It means there are a lot of us. I hope.

The historical context of (some) black families & marriage, a brief overview

I just wanted to mention that posting will be a little lighter than usual as I finish editing the book, which I plan to publish before February 2013. This is my first book, so I’ve been losing sleep over it, but I do hope it will be worth the wait.

From the book:

My mom, like the women I grew up around, knew Jesus and loved God. For God-fearing Christians, marriage has been deemed a badge of honor for centuries.

But she wasn’t actively avoiding marriage. She had tried. It just didn’t work for her.

While she never seemed interested in trying again, she was far from bitter. She continued to date more actively than even I was comfortable with into her late 60s.

Part of why she was able to be single and happy had to do with the cultural sentiment around us, which was You don’t need a piece of paper to certify your love. This is how people of color and women who are not interested in the politics of respectability (or assimilating as much as possible to mainstream culture) find space for their own models of self-worth and self-love: by appropriating for themselves what they need to feel affirmed, often outside of the gaze and judgment of popular culture.

This cultural self-approval was popular during slavery by necessity even though some of the bravest women who are depicted and often written about as single or singular black women – Harriet Tubman and Sojourner Truth, for example – were married. In Tubman’s case, she married a few times, including one marriage that her biographer Catherine Clinton notes in Harriet Tubman: The Road to Freedom happened when she was likely well over 50 years old. Back then, marriages between free blacks and slaves were considered informal arrangements, not legally or biblically binding enough to trump the commerce of slavery. Clinton wrote:

“Free blacks were faced with the prospect of choosing liberty in exile or a return to enslavement by remaining with their families…A slave’s master could choose to honor or ignore the couple’s commitment, rendering such unions inherently unstable. The sale of the slave spouse might throw the entire relationship into limbo. Thus, slaves who chose a life partner, whether a free black or another slave, constantly confronted fears not only that their marriage might be shattered through salve, but that they might lose contact with their children as well.”

Any book that purports to be geared toward black unmarried women and/or instruct them on getting a mate that doesn’t acknowledge this historical context is irresponsible.  That history, along with reports like Daniel Patrick Moynihan’s 1965 report on the black family (known best as The Moynihan Report) offers a more detailed explanation of black women’s perceived powerlessness in matters of intimacy and love in the United States. While it is easier to just point to statistics and talk in witty sound bites, the truth is that black unmarried women have always been required to do much more than their white counterparts in every sphere of life.

Matters of the heart, then as now, are apparently no different.

Dipping my toes in the dating pool: Chris, The Salivator

From the book:

Martin was my eHarmony rabbit.

We were matched in the first few weeks I was on the site, and then he put his account on hold or hibernation or something and I waited patiently for him to come back while dating men who appeared to be a little lower on the food chain.

It took almost a full year after I signed up for eHarmony for me and Martin to connect. He was enlisted in the Army in Louisiana, which was how I got addicted to him in the first place, since I’ve always been a sucker for a man in a uniform (Marines, especially.) He wore glasses. He had sandy blond hair and hazel eyes. HE LOVED TO READ, his profile said. SWOON.

Maybe there was something to this whole online dating thing, I reasoned. I had been warned not to put all my eggs in one basket, so I tried not to. I was still connecting and exchanging several emails all the damn time with my eHarmony matches.

While I waited for Martin, I met two guys who made me want to move permanently off of the grid and destroy the Internet.

The first was a chubby, friendly guy named Chris. The other was a little construction worker I’ll just call the Little Longhorn.

Chris was on all of the dating sites that I was on, which only became a problem after I decided that in the small universe of singles that is Austin, I didn’t want to date him. He worked in a reasonable white-collar job and his profile portrayed him as a tubby barrel of fun that liked wearing long-sleeved shirts with multicolored stripes. As a recovering chubby chaser, I found him amusing and sweet in our correspondence.

So we met for coffee. We went to a great coffee shop on Lake Austin called Mozart’s. It was a crisp Spring Saturday afternoon on the lake, the breeze was behind me and he just kept smiling at me.

I don’t remember what we talked about, to be honest, but I was uncomfortable with the fact that he just wouldn’t drop the smile. Being a journalist prepares you to make conversation with anyone for pretty much any period of time, but this can be an exhausting situation when romance is involved. I mentioned how much I loved food – I wasn’t trying to be a jerk, it just seemed like we could keep the conversation going.

“Oh, I love BBQ,” he said. He started to salivate. Visibly.

He needed to pat the sides of his smiley mouth with his napkin. That’s how much spit I’m talking about.

“Not that you’re not beautiful enough for me to drool over, but the thought of a good brisket just makes my mouth water.” That’s what he said.

Look, I used to write short stories, but this is the kind of stuff you can’t really make up.

At the time, I had a reasonable excuse for ditching our mid-day weekend date. I used to get up early each morning for a breaking news shift at the newspaper, which meant that I hardly ever had any time to go grocery shopping. So I was going to go do that. Right that minute.

His smile softened but never dropped. “Well, let me know when you want to come out to a concert sometime with me and some friends. It’d be great to see you again.”

I don’t ever want to see you again, I thought.

Instead of saying that aloud, I emailed him after the fact like a punk to say I just didn’t feel any chemistry between us. He tried to talk me out of that, but I had been in enough relationships where I tried to make chemistry happen that I let it go. That didn’t keep him from trying, which I found both sad and personally affirming: when I signed up for, he had a profile there and sent me a wink or some such.

Flattery will get you a lot of places, apparently, including on multiple dating sites.

Single Lady Books: Single, Arguments for the Uncoupled by Michael Cobb

The review’s not available online, but you can find it in the latest issue of Bitch Magazine, the Elemental Issue, #56

I really loved Michael Cobb’s book, Single: Arguments for the Uncoupled, even though there were parts that I felt were a little over my head. Here’s part of what I wrote in my review for Bitch:

It’s hard to beat Michael Cobb’s description of single people as “avatars of the lonely crowd.” While Cobb’s last book had a catchier title (2006’s God Hates Fags: The Rhetoric of Religious Violence), I’m  guessing readers will appreciate that he takes a lighter touch with the expansive possibilities of single life.

The central message of this concise treatise is that freedom, potential, and possibility all exist within the life of a single person in a way that is impossible in the context of coupledom. Essentially, one is not the loneliest number. In a chapter about couples, families and the law entitled “The Probated Couple,” Cobb writes that couples join “the grip of loneliness’s totalitarianism” by creating the “special residue which marks their endurance in time: children, relatives, and all sorts of relations…”

If you want to read the rest and you hate paper or you want to read the rest of the brilliance in Bitch on your gadget, you can even by a digital copy here. Bella DePaulo adds that it’s the beginning of National Singles Week and she adds more quotes from Cobb’s book here.

Six Reasons Facebook Sucks, The Single Lady Edition

Because you can always just…make out with your computer screen.

I try and fail everyday to quit Facebook, but it keeps luring me back.

I’m a student of humanity. A lot of the time, I love people in theory, though in real life, they irk me and trigger me in all kinds of unfortunate ways. Even though that’s true, Facebook is still a lot like what I imagine any addictive drug people rarely quit is like. Especially if you’ve got any stalkerish tendencies at all. Not that I’m owning that.

What’s not to like if you’re interested in people at all? You can watch people’s brains unfold very publicly. You can see them grow and change or just notice that they’re having a hard time or that they’ve been liking a lot of popular megastores lately. This is especially helpful for single people to find out which of their friends they should hit up to borrow Costco cards from.

I’m an early adopter, so I’ve been on networks like Facebook for over a decade. By the time Facebook and Twitter became popular, when I was in library school, I’d attempted to pare down my online connections in favor of real life ones. Unfortunately, the world was moving in the opposite direction.

I greeted this cultural shift with optimism and borderline glee. Whoo-hoo! I don’t actually have to interact with human beings if I don’t want to in real time. Interaction on my schedule. Yes! But, oh, wait, what is this thing you call willpower, in which you say it’s bad for my brain to wake up and check Facebook or be with Facebook before I go to sleep? Hey, the Scrabble is good!

Also, babies and kittehs = all the things the single ladies like, right?

But there are six things that I think make Facebook suck really hard for single folks and make me think about quitting altogether once a month:

1. Vicarious Experiences: One of the most powerful things about Facebook is that it allows you to experience the highlights of your friends’ vacations/weddings/engagements/births, etc. The pictures are great. They also inspire envy, even if you don’t necessarily see all the other stuff that happened during vacation, like knock-down drag out fights. I love reveling in the life events of my friends, but I also know the power of curating an online identity that can be very different from the real stuff of one’s life. I love that Facebook helps us codify our most pleasant memories. But I find myself easily ensnared in the comparison trap, where I measure myself against the curated experiences of other folks. And that’s just weird. Plus, girl, please don’t post your sonogram photo. Thank you.

2. The Performance of Birthdays/Holidays/Memorials/Anniversaries: I am relatively private and often introverted. I mention this because I realized this year that I find it odd to commemorate special days/moments in public. One of my best friends is an introvert and every year, I would stay up late worrying about just the right public thing to say to her on her wall.  This year, it finally occurred to me that maybe that energy would be better spent actually spending time with her and being present with her on her birthday and having an experience that we could both share instead of over-emoting on her Facebook wall. I hate that Mark Zuckerberg has messed up my affection for birthdays, too, but I’m slowly taking my power back. This is a public service announcement for all my friends who I am so elated were born: A lot of you were born in September. I will never write a full page of anything again if I take the time to tell you all individually and in public how much I really want you to have a happy birthday. Please don’t hate me and if you do, hide me from your news feed instead of defriending me, k?

3. Relationship Status Crap: I wish I could tell you how many times I have considered changing my relationship status to “Engaged In My Work” or “Married to the Game”  just so that I wouldn’t have to think about it. It seems like it’s gone out of style for people to write about their complicated relationship statuses but it used to be standard for folks to tag their significant others and then break up. There would be hearts in my time line, then broken hearts. It was a mess. I don’t remember if I changed my relationship status to single or not – I don’t think so. At some point, I realized that because I wasn’t really there to hook up (though I wouldn’t rule it out…haaay)  I was there because I had stories to share with folks and I wanted to stay connected to my friends all over the world. There is nothing that screams “Pay attention to me so I can talk to you about my relationship!” than a shift in relationship status in the middle of the day.

4. Random weirdness from strangers who have never learned boundaries: I’m talking people who just send you random links but don’t add any context. Or, you know, salutations like “Hi.” People who obviously don’t know you who make irritating remarks or cuss all over your timeline because they’re just generally inappropriate. I should maybe learn to be more confrontational, but I haven’t figured out how to appropriately handle some of these morons without completely blocking them.

5. It’s a loose definition of the word friend, dude: I know a ton of people on Facebook that I haven’t met in real life. But they’re writers I love and artists I appreciate and relatives I hardly get to spend time with and on and on and on. People get offended when I defriend them, but I’ve learned that just like in real life, if someone doesn’t bring anything to the table when you interact with them (or if they don’t think you’re important enough to interact with) then why pretend?

6. WHY DO YOU NEED TO KNOW WHERE I AM OR WHERE I’M GOING OR WHAT I AM EATING?: I’m never going to be a Foursquare person. I don’t check in regularly at places because, well, why do I need the world to know that I’ve decided to go play Skee Ball and have a beer? That trip to the Caribbean I want to take? To Paris? Why would I alert folks that I’ll be out of the country? It doesn’t seem like a good safety situation. When the vacation is over, how does it serve other people to know that I was on the beach? For the love of all that is holy, who are the pictures of your food for?

Are you into Facebook? What do you like about it? What do you dislike? If you have coping strategies, can you help? Let me know in the comments.

Blog at
Theme: Esquire by Matthew Buchanan.